I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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