College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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