Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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