you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
