i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
