are you still at the devil's house?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
