god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
