i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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