Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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