Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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