Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
