I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
