I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
