He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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