I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize