We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize