I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
