so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
