you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
