It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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