i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
