i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
