Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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