I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
