Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
