Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
