tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
