In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
