So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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