They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
