I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
