I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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