Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
