if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
