he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
