I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
