My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
