True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
