Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is wine microwaveable?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
