They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
