She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize