I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
