I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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