I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
