i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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