I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
