My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
