I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
