Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
