so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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