Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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