Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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