I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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