She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
