Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
