I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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