Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
