Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
