It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is wine microwaveable?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
