I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize