Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
