i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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